Homeschooling, from Reluctance to Joy

Several friends have asked about my approach to homeschooling. I’m known among the Moms as a reluctant homeschooler, persuaded by my husband and by the kids themselves that this would be our path. My Mom was a K/1/2 teacher, my husband’s parents were both teachers, and my Dad will be a scientist forever. I’m a writer and a poet, and I did technical writing and project management back in the 90s, when the Internet was shiny and new.

I’m a systems theory nerd, a very curious person. I like to see, smell, and understand things as clearly as I can. This has infinite limits, but it’s fun, and here we are.

First and foremost, let’s call it Quarantine Schooling. Being Together in Quarantine is by far the most important thing.

Here’s my Daily List for Quarantine:

• Read the news, briefly. Tell the kids anything pertinent. Discuss with my husband what we do today and what’s needed.
• Tell the kids anything pertinent or useful from the news; go light. Anything funny or inspiring? Any new recommendations or advice to consider? How’s everybody doing among extended family and friends? Schedule Zoom or FaceTime with family and friends.
• Figure out meals for the day; look to thaw or soak for tomorrow if need be. Figure out chores for the day. We need room to breathe and move and it doesn’t work if we’re overwhelmed.

Only then do I consider what and whether on academics for the day. This is such a tragic and intense time. It can be powerful medicine if we let it.

• Movement, in whatever form works for you. Outside if you can.
• Learning or exploring something, in whatever form works for you.
• Lunch — can they help with this? What works?
• Siesta — the great lost siesta. You rest and they go outside? Some sort of indoor dance party where Mom is not required to participate?
• Independent reading or audiobooks or screen time? Podcasts? Down time for parents. Can you garden or read or take time for you? Kids can understand a need for quiet time; they need it too. One of the teachers at our home study charter has published an excellent online resource list, with way too many wonderful things to do.
• Connection to family and friends — Zoom, FaceTime, shared Minecraft games?
• Dinner prep — maybe the kids can help, but you might want to just cook or prepare on your own? Partner? Take turns in some way?
• Laughter — movies, reading, family games — something every night, but not the same thing. Really watch what somebody needs each night, and do that. You can take turns.

I really feel that the first section matters most. Food, orientation in this strange new world, and chores are our lifeboats now. Get the first part flowing, and you’ll have breathing room for the second.

I’ve tried quite a few curricula with quite a few approaches to what learning means: Waldorf (several flavors, including reading Steiner), Montessori (my Mom’s great love), Common Core, Well Trained Mind, and a few more. I’ve read the California state standards for my kids’ grades (K-5 so far). I’ve tried Project Based Homeschooling, which feels wonderful in bursts, and I hope to figure out how to do it someday. I’ve yet to fully embrace Unschooling, which is rooted in trust of yourself and your path, and in profound empathy for your kids, their brilliance, and in imagining paths ahead for them together.

The most useful thing I can offer to friends contemplating how to do this is to ask yourself a few questions, and look at some patterns. Your task is to fit your patterns into cultural patterns in a way that works for your family. Trust, boundaries, and family rhythms come first.

Questions:

• Is this just for now? Does that matter? Call it an experiment?
• What are you good at? What do you relish teaching? What do you dread? Pleasure and joy are so key with kids… and with adults too.
• Where can you set up a workspace for the kids? It’s best to communicate that you’re serious about it by setting up a nice spot. The couch is for relaxing. Great for independent reading time, but not for focused time.
• Is school really the most important thing now? I don’t think so. How can you give back to help with this pandemic? Can you sew face masks or drive for Meals on Wheels or volunteer or donate or help someone you know who’s lonely and needs curbside food drop offs?

Patterns:

• Emotional Intelligence: Your kids are smart. Seriously… and they’re onto you. There’s no way to hide your grief or your worry. Honor it, and honor theirs too. How can this experience be a river of spring for you, clearing your path and clarifying your intentions and commitments to what matters most? Grief Well: Dig a small hole in Mother Earth and go with gratitude to put your feelings there. You can cover the hole with earth or with something special and visit it again as often as you like.
• Family: Set aside cultural norms that don’t work for your family, and ask yourself who you want to become. You can function in this world on your own terms, but it’s a navigation quest to work out what that means for you, and how to do it.
• Lanugage Arts: Handwriting, Typing, Grammar. Handwriting is an embodied thing that’s best done in little bits, often. Grammar can come periodically in bigger bites. You can find infinite lists online of what should be covered in which grade. Are those lists useful for you? You decide. Think of Grammar as tools for using language well. Guided and independent reading. Reading Comprehension: Ask them what happened in the stories they read, what they thought about it. Could the characters have done something else instead? What would you have done? Write stories or draw comics. Offer them a private journal or make one for them, and let it stay private. Tell them their journal is a safe place to put feelings, like their Grief Well outside.
• Math: Fact Families, Rhythm and Dance, Common Core. I’ve tried quite a few curricula and I genuinely like the Common Core approach. It takes five redundant paths to build deep understanding of how numbers work. In. Every. Single. Topic. It’s totally excruciating if you can see intuitively how to get there from here and you just want to GO ALREADY. It’s soul crushing if you’re a math teacher who’s invested years in your own approach. Much of the language in the books I’ve seen feels insulting, infuriating, even just distracting. It’s wildly age inappropriate — that’s well documented. But if you can read past all that, and if you can pick the useful parts, it’s a solid system. Phew. YES you can have a snack.
• Social Studies: History, Geography, Civics, Current Events. There are infinite ideas about what should be covered when and how, and this is another place where homeschooling can really shine. What’s interesting to you and what’s interesting to them? Keep Question Journals or make space for asking questions to address later. Closing loops of curiosity, so the kids know their questions will be answered later, if not now, builds trust and confidence in the process of learning. Whatever you do, please don’t start with Greece and Rome. Indigenous history is calling us to rethink home. Start with indigenous constellations and see where that takes you? William Irwin Thompson’s Transforming History is an excellent framework for stepping outside the Overton Window.
• Science: Life Science means biology, animals, life systems, ecology. The human body. Learn about COVID-19 and the virus itself? You decide, but be sure to include self care and empowerment if you do it. I would include gardening, wild plants and foraging, herbs and herbal medicine, Drawdown, permaculture… Earth Science means continents and landforms, the water cycle, weather systems, geology, plate tectonics, the solar system, soil health, erosion and rebuilding, intersections with climate and climate change… the possibilities are endless in both areas. Physical Science means the building blocks and deep patterns behind it all. Physics, Cosmology, Astronomy, matter and how it works, light, sound, chemistry. The key here is not to think in terms of “covering” material. That’s an insult to the material you’re attempting to cover, and it doesn’t work anyway. Cultivate curiosity, starting with your own. Remember, it’s *your* kids, and they’re onto you. You can’t fake an interest in covering material in a shallow way. You can’t fake genuine curiosity. Curiosity is fun. Let it in.
• Music, Movement, Foreign Language, Cooking, Baking, etc… Community Service. Earth Service. Finding ways to recenter yourself and your community as citizens of Earth. I refer to the question above: What are *you* good at? What do you like to do? What feeds your desire to serve this great beautiful complicated world?

Our family currently attends a home study support charter school, which offers us curricula, support, state supported academic expectations, and a consistent social structure. The teachers are wonderful and the kids love it. I love it too, but at times my freethinker self is frustrated by state standards that do both too much and too little. They’re more about containing and training young minds than they are about inspiring critical thinking or (gasp) connecting with the natural world. They’re oriented toward a view of life as a human-centric marathon, with lots and lots of work to do. That’s a view of life that COVID-19 is demanding that we reconsider, from my perspective.

My grandmother was quite upset that as she got older, “I’m not of any use to anybody!” She was so brilliant and so inspiring. Her question has stayed with me. How can I genuinely be of use? How can you? I’ve read in many places that COVID-19 is teaching us how deep our web of connections truly is, for better or for worse. Let’s make it better. Now that’s something good that we can model for the next generation. Let’s rise to this.